Letters From Grace Read online

  “I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll look for you at the festival,” Connie promised.

  “Sounds good,” Grace said and continued her tour.

  Toward the center of the back wall was the old black, potbelly stove, and around it were tables for two or four. One table tucked into a private nook behind the stove had a chess board painted on it and the black and white pieces were lined up, ready for a game. That was something new and it made her feel as if her heart had been squeezed.

  She remembered teaching Levi the game. How smug she’d been as she beat him game after game, and then how crushed when he finally mastered the strategy enough to settle the score.

  Suddenly she heard a voice over the soft country music playing on the sound system. Every nerve in her body tingled. She turned slowly in the direction of the pet food section.

  And there he was. Reading the ingredient list from a can of cat food to a woman with a mop of gray hair and a canvas shopping tote. He had weathered well. His chestnut hair was still thick with that irrepressible wave that made it seem he never brushed it. He’d kept himself in shape, too. His well-muscled arms and shoulders were shown off to perfection in his short-sleeved black T-shirt with a caption she couldn’t make out.

  “I’ll take seven cans of that one,” the gray-haired lady said. She opened her tote bag and Levi dutifully added the required number. “Thank you so much, Levi. You’re always so patient with me. I don’t know why I never remember my reading glasses.”

  As she moved off, Levi must have sensed the presence of someone else, because he turned in Grace’s direction. For a second he stared, quizzically. Then his eyes widened and a complicated smile—a mixture of surprise, pleasure and caution—slowly broke over his face.

  “Grace.”

  Love, longing, loss—this man had made her feel all of these, and now, as if she were eighteen again, the cocktail of emotions flooded over her. She took a deep, long breath.

  And then she noticed the quote on his T-shirt, a quip about going to a general store but not finding anything specific.

  Suddenly she was laughing. “Still a fan of George Carlin.”

  He put a hand to his chest. “Always. The man was a genius.”

  “I remember laughing so hard at his monologues my stomach muscles hurt the next day.”

  “Best core workout ever.”

  As their laughter ebbed the twenty years that had passed since those days pooled in a gulf between them.

  What now? Grace asked herself. Maybe she should have given this homecoming trip of hers a little more consideration.

  *

  Levi was glad he’d been prepared to see Grace. Otherwise he might have been felled by that first glance. She’d been pretty as a teenager. But now. Now. If he was into the mayor’s New Age jargon he would have said she gave off a golden aura. He’d say it anyway, because it was true.

  But since he’d learned she was coming to the festival three days ago, and since Alicia had come in to buy toilet paper yesterday and managed to casually mention she was expecting a houseguest—he’d remember Grace Hamilton, of course—he’d been steeling himself for their first encounter. He hadn’t expected it to be in his store. He’d imagined bumping into her on the street. Or in the park by the courthouse.

  But here she was, in the pet food aisle, and he was glad because it had to mean she’d wanted to see him, or at the very worst, was not averse to seeing him. Which didn’t explain why she’d suddenly gone so quiet.

  “I heard you were coming to the festival this year.” It wasn’t an inspired opening gambit. But he saw the relief on Grace’s face and knew he’d been smart to start with something innocuous.

  “Of course you did. You’re on the organizing committee.”

  “When my dad retired from the store, he passed along more than one torch.”

  “Alicia told me your father retired…was it two years ago?”

  “Three. He and Mom bought an RV. He said it was the only way he could let go of micromanaging the store—and me—by getting out of town. Mom was thrilled. She’s always wanted to travel but with Dad’s responsibilities they never got away for more than a few days at a time.”

  “Obviously the store is in good hands with you. I noticed the addition of the chess board table.”

  “You still play?”

  “Not often. But if you’re throwing out a challenge, then I accept.”

  He caught her gaze and the amused glint in her light blue eyes. “It’ll have to be after hours. It doesn’t do for the boss to goof around.”

  “Can he break for a five-minute coffee?” Grace nodded toward the lunch counter.

  “Definitely.” He led the way, then gestured to a couple of empty stools at the end. “Coffee? Latte?”

  “I see you have an espresso machine.”

  Levi took pride in the gleaming stainless steel, Italian-made machine. “Took me a year to convince Dad to make the investment. What’s wrong with plain coffee? he wanted to know. And he really balked when he saw the hefty price tag. But it’s provided a good return on investment.”

  He called out to Connie, who had her back to them clearing dishes. “Hey, Connie, look who’s here.”

  “We’ve already said hi,” Grace said.

  “Brings back lots of memories to see you two together again,” Connie said.

  Awkward! Levi cleared his throat. “Can you get Grace a latte please? And a slice of pie. Pumpkin, I think.” He glanced back at Grace. “Still your favorite?”

  “Still my favorite.”

  “Coming right up,” Connie said.

  “So.” He swiveled the stool so he could look at Grace, catching a whiff of the shampoo she used. It was the same brand he remembered from high school, with a light botanical scent. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Let’s start with your book. I bought a copy last week. It’s magnificent, Grace, it really is. You must be thrilled to be on the New York Times bestseller list.”

  “Thanks. I worked for five years on that book, so yes it’s gratifying to have it well received. But don’t think I’ve forgotten who first taught me that birds are more than beautiful creatures. They each have their own story to tell. I believe those were your exact words. Are you still spending lots of time at the nature reserve?”

  It was gracious of her to give him even a modicum of credit. But then she’d always been that way. Her parents had done an excellent job of naming her. “My weekdays are pretty full. But on Sundays I like to hit one of the state parks for some hiking and bird watching. Chenango Valley is one of my favorites. My daughter prefers the Catskills, but that’s farther so we only go there for holidays.”

  “Your daughter. How is she?”

  “Awesome, really good. I was worried about the teenage years. So far she’s a lot easier on me than I was on my parents.”

  Connie came over with the pie and the coffee. When Grace went for the bill, Levi covered it with his hand.

  “This is on me. But I really should get back to work. Let me know when you’ve got time for that chess game. I’ve got a festival committee meeting tonight but nothing for the rest of the week.”

  “Yes, I know. Clara asked if I could attend.”

  “Really?” He’d heard nothing about that. “Well, maybe we can have a game after the meeting. It’s being held here.”

  “I’d like that. Maybe you’ll be tired enough I’ll have a chance to beat you.”

  “You’ve never needed an advantage to do that.”

  “The last game we played was a draw. Remember?”

  “I do.” In fact, he was remembering too much. The first time he’d kissed her…it had been on her left knee after she’d taken a bad fall from her bike. The way his entire body would tingle when she ran her fingers through his hair—Grace had always loved to do that. And how she’d crushed his heart when she’d written that final letter from New York…

  Remember that, he told himself as he was closing up his shop later that evening. Remember t
hat she isn’t your Grace anymore, she’s a star. Remember that she’s leaving in a week, going back to her life, which was so large, and leaving him here in his life, which was so small.

  Not that he minded the smallness of his life. It had been his choice. His choice to move back home when Maggie got pregnant. His choice to take over the store. His choice to become the George Bailey of Woodland, a somewhat big fish in a very small pond.

  As long as he remembered his place in the world—and hers—he’d be fine.

  *

  “She’s coming to Woodland, did you hear?” Max said as he handed Jess an apple. “Maybe she’s even here already.”

  They were in her backyard, with Max up the ladder picking the ripe Cortland apples and her making sure they weren’t bruised as she gently added them to the basket at her feet.

  “How do you know?”

  “They’ve revised the festival posters. Added a big yellow banner with Grace Hamilton’s name.”

  “Oh man. Dad hasn’t said a word.” In hindsight she couldn’t believe she’d had the nerve to go to New York City and interview her dad’s ex-girlfriend under false pretense. Yes, she’d done the report on Grace’s book, which sort of legitimized the trip. But she’d interviewed Grace with a fake name and hadn’t been honest about why she was really there.

  To check her out. And, if she passed the test—which she had with a big A plus—coerce her back to Woodland. Grace Hamilton had passed with flying colors. Now that her plan seemed to be working, Jess wasn’t feeling nearly so good about herself.

  “You should have talked me out of it.”

  “What? I tried!”

  “You could have tried harder.”

  “But you got what you wanted. Your dad and Grace are sure to run into one another at some point in the next week. They’ll fall madly in love again, and you’ll be able to go to college without worrying about your dad being lonely.”

  Jess groaned. Her plan did sound ridiculous when he put it that way. “Don’t mock me.”

  “Mock you about what?”

  Startled by her dad’s voice, Jess swung around to see him coming through the gate.

  “Um…” Jess glanced at Max.

  “Somehow she convinced me to pick all the apples for her, Mr. S. Now she can’t handle me teasing her about it.”

  “Hey, I’ve been helping too.” Jess gave Max a grateful smile for his quick recovery, while her dad checked the quantity of apples in the basket.

  “Nice job, you two. Should give us about a dozen quart jars of applesauce.” He settled into a lawn chair on the cobblestone patio. “Sure is nice to come home after a long day at the store and watch someone else working for a change.”

  Jess threw an apple at him. “Feel free to help.”

  “I think I’ll sit and rest for a bit longer.” Her father bit into the apple.

  “Was it a hard day at the store?” Jess asked tentatively.

  “Not particularly.”

  “So…no interesting stories?”

  “Mrs. Pender accidentally on purpose forgot her reading glasses again so I had to read her the ingredients on five different brands of cat food.”

  Jess shook her head. “Why don’t you keep a pair of glasses for her at the store?”

  “Because she’s lonely. And pretending to forget her glasses gives her an excuse to ask for help that she doesn’t really need.”

  Her dad was such a nice guy. Which only made Jess feel worse for deceiving him about her New York trip. And even more terrible for trying to figure out if he’d run into his ex-girlfriend yet. “So that was the highlight of the day, was it?”

  “Actually…” Her dad tossed his apple core in the compost bin at the edge of the vegetable garden. “Remember that woman we were talking about last week? The one I knew in high school?”

  “Uh…Grace Hamilton?”

  Max jumped down from the second rung of the ladder. “The wildlife photographer?”

  “So you figured that out did you?”

  Jess wiped a nervous sheen of sweat from her hands to her jeans. “Her book has been in our living room forever, Dad. Though to be honest, Max made the connection, not me.”

  “Yeah well, Grace came by the store. So that was kind of interesting.”

  In the face of her father’s nonchalant manner, the guilt Jess had been feeling earlier vanished. “Interesting? She was your high school sweetheart, you haven’t seen her in twenty years, and that’s all you have to say? It was interesting?”

  “Hey, kid. Unless you want me to interrogate you about your love life—” he looked pointedly from her to Max “—you better stop asking about mine.” He got up from his chair. “I’m going inside to make some burgers. Need to eat soon so I can get to my meeting. You staying for dinner, Max?”

  “No thanks, Mr. S. Gotta go home. See you tomorrow, Jess.”

  “Really? Didn’t you hear Dad say we were having burgers?” Jess hoped her teasing tone hid how much she wanted him to stay. She didn’t understand why he no longer wanted to have dinner with her. Yeah, they still hung out after school a lot. But she could feel a new distance between them—and she didn’t like it.

  After Max left, Jess followed her father into the house and then to the kitchen where he was washing his hands at the sink. “Why did you do that?”

  “What?”

  “Look at Max and me as if we were…you know.”

  “Dating?”

  She nodded.

  He opened the fridge to pull out the beef patties he’d taken from the freezer that morning. “Lately I’ve been wondering if the two of you are heading in that direction.”

  Jess froze. If her dad could sense her changing feelings toward Max, did that mean Max had noticed too? Oh man, she hoped not. But if he had, it might explain why he was acting so cool. He wanted to make it clear he had no interest in being her boyfriend.

  Jess almost groaned with embarrassment. “Max and I are just friends, Dad. Got it?”

  Her dad gave her a look that said he saw right through her. But all he said was, “Loud and clear, kid.”

  September 19, 1999

  New York University

  Dear Levi,

  I took your advice and asked my roommate if I could come to a party with her on Saturday night. We had some laughs and she introduced me to lots of people. Most of them guys, looking to hook up. When I told them I had a boyfriend, they moved on fast. I think my time is better spent with the kids in my photography classes. A couple of us from Visual Thinking went gallery hopping on Sunday afternoon. Now that was fun!

  Chapter Five

  “I had no idea three little boys could eat so much.” Grace was astonished. Not a tablespoon of the lasagna Sean had baked remained in a large casserole dish that should have served a dozen. Now Sean had taken the boys to the family room to supervise their homework, and it was up to her and Alicia to clean the kitchen.

  “Can you imagine what it’s going to be like when they become teens?” Alicia said. “I was thinking we could grab a glass of wine and escape to your guesthouse after dishes.”

  Grace looked up from wiping off the kitchen table. “Clara Quiver asked me to go to the foliage festival committee meeting tonight. Sorry, I forgot to tell you.”

  “Lucky you. I don’t think she’s mellowed a bit from her days teaching civics in high school. You better be on your best behavior.” Alicia opened the dishwasher and began sliding in the dirty plates.

  “There’s a lot of dirty dishes. Want me to handwash some of the bigger things?”

  “Everything will fit. Just watch me.” Alicia winked. “This isn’t my first rodeo.”

  Grace slotted in the cutlery. “Your family is fun. I love the way Sean teases the boys yet somehow manages to keep control over them.”

  “He’s a pretty awesome dad. And husband. He’s the whole package.”

  “Did you know he was the one right from the start?”

  “I tried to deny it at first. I didn’t want to marry
a fireman. I didn’t think I could handle constantly worrying about his safety. But in the end the connection between us was too strong. I just couldn’t fight it.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t. You’re obviously so happy together. And you make great parents. You did good, Alicia.”

  “It’s not too late for you to have all this.” Alicia waved a hand to indicate her home, her family. She hesitated then added, “Unless you don’t want it?”

  Grace glanced at the doorway to the family room, wanting to make sure she couldn’t be overheard. “It isn’t a question of what I want anymore. Shortly after I turned thirty-five I realized the clock was ticking and so I went for a fertility test. Just to see how much time I had left. Turns out…” She took deep breath. “I didn’t have any.”

  “Oh, Grace, honey. Why didn’t you tell me this?”

  “I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone or in a text message. And by the next time we saw each other in person, I’d managed to convince myself it didn’t matter.”

  Alicia hugged her. “That was a few years ago. How are you feeling about it now?”

  “I’ve come to terms with not having children. But I am tired of being alone. I really am.”

  “I’m sorry. You’re life looks so glamorous to me. I didn’t realize you were unhappy.”

  Until she’d finished this last book, Grace hadn’t realized it herself. “Traveling is lonely, but sometimes Manhattan is even worse. I mean, my closest friend is a seventy-year-old retired stage manager for Pete’s sake!”

  “Harvey’s great, but I agree he’s not dating material. What about that photographer you were seeing last year? Andrew Warner?”

  “That was off and on—I was away so much shooting for my national parks book. We just sort of drifted apart.”

  “Like you always do.”

  “Something always feels like it’s missing.”

  Grace didn’t need to say anything more. Alicia knew what her problem was.

  “You haven’t had a chance to tell me how things went at the general store,” Alicia said. “Did you get a chance to talk to Levi?”